Why I Went to Ogden! (slash what I learned)

The one and only Hermana Ava Ludlam ♥

1. Hands down the main reason was to be Hermana DeMaio's companion, no doubt about it. Heavenly Father has been planning this one for a while, He works in such mysterious ways! I now see He took a missionary called to Sao Paulo Brazil, and put her in Layton Utah only for a month and a half because He needed someone with specific past experiences to be here at this time for His precious daughter. I think she is the strongest person I have ever met. Even though circumstance made it necessary that I be here for her, she taught me more about how to be than anything I could've done for her. I have never tried so hard to proactively love someone, and in return I have never seen someone so closely to how God sees them. She is the flower growing through the cracks in the concrete. ♡

2. To learn how to always have my own personal sunshine inside me!! In John 16:33, Christ says "Be of good cheer, I have overcome the world!" What more is there to be said? Even when it's cloudy and everyone is gloomy, I can be shining and happy. How can I not, knowing what I know? :)

3. To become fearless in my tongue! When I got to Layton, I would open my mouth to say something, and nothing would come out. It was humiliating and frustrating, but I just could not speak Spanish! People would say, "How are you?" and I would stand there, unable to remember how to say "well" in Spanish, only Portuguese! The first night I was here, we went to an activity at the church and I was a nervous wreck on the inside. Finally, I asked Heavenly Father for help. He had just been waiting for me to do that, because as soon as I gave Him my will, He put me to work! I felt I should talk to a certain woman, and it took so much courage to just get up and walk over to her, but I did it, and my tongue was loosed. Because I did that, I gained the confidence (not in myself, but in the Lord) I needed to just keep following promptings. After that, Hermana would just say, "Alright, you knock this door," and I couldn't speak the language--but I would just do it. And it always worked out! :) SO! If I can preach the gospel of Jesus Christ to people in a language I cannot speak, just wait till they let me loose in Brazil. I will sing it from the rooftops!!

4. I received an answer to my question of how to apply the atonement in order to truly change (the full question was in the letter called First Transfer: Done). HOWEVER! I am going to pull an Irmao Read and say, "You have to figure it out for yourself!" I'll give some hints though. Read Elder Bednar's talk "The Atonement and the Journey of Mortality", where he says "I suspect that many Church members are much more familiar with the nature of the redeeming and cleansing power of the Atonement than they are with the strengthening and enabling power. It is one thing to know that Jesus Christ came to earth to die for us—that is fundamental and foundational to the doctrine of Christ. But we also need to appreciate that the Lord desires, through His Atonement and by the power of the Holy Ghost, to live in us—not only to direct us, but also to empower us." That should get you as excited as I was to start the search! I started writing a book called "The Significance of the Atonement: Sister Ludlam's Understanding When She is 19." I'll write another one next year. Another hint: find out what change is in God's eyes. :) I would love to hear what you find!!

5. Here is how the MTC works: You eat, you sleep, and you sit in a chair while the most spiritually brilliant individuals feed you truth on a level so profound you feel like you understand life and you could do absolutely anything! Your only job is to soak it all in, and you just feel so cozy in your little spiritually saturated cocoon! But here's the thing--after I left the MTC, I realized that life is muddy and the philosophies of men are convoluted. Satan has been running amok for quite some time now! I thought "Well this simply will not do." After realizing I was deprived of spiritual nourishment and that I actually had to feed myself to keep that level of light, I began to flood my life with light. The great thing about being a missionary is that it's not so much about getting the light and nourishment for yourself as it is about sharing it those people you are privileged to teach.

6. President and Sister Jaggi ♡ Maybe it's because our mission is in Utah so they get to hang out with and be trained by the Apostles, but these people must be part angel. President has received life changing revelation for me, and Sister Jaggi is the greatest example of a dove I have ever met. Ever since I got here, I have followed President's challenge to write down 5 things I'm grateful for every night, and it's changed my life. I invite you all to do the same for 30 days, just watch what happens!

7. I learned how to be thrifty..so basically I had $200 dollars of emergency funds for when I travel to Brazil...and I managed to spend $100 dollars of it at the MTC :) Sorry Mom. I came rather unprepared, so it was all spent on necessary items, but I still was short a nice chunk of money! ANYWAYS I saved most of my money each week and now have what I need to travel. :) Let's just say I ate a lot of rice krispies. Now I can fall asleep easier knowing I'm not going to be held in an airport jail in Sao Paulo, waiting for President to bail me out.

8. Turns out we actually can't just sit in the car and say "alright, we are ready! Just point the way!" to be led to the people He wants us to teach! The revelation happens when we are planning, and it is the most spiritual part of the day. Now we write down certain names and places, and then pray for confirmation, asking "Is this Thy will?" I think Heavenly did lead us to miracles when we just sat there waiting for Him because He wanted to tell us "you two are on the right track," but now we know there is a much more effective way to make the most of precious time!

9. Remember my journey to know Christ? Oh, it has just been incredible, family. I wish I could explain the love I now feel for my Savior. Whenever I felt alone, I would envision Him walking up to the doors and knocking right alongside Hermana and me. Any fear was just gone, and it changed everything. I felt such a presence and strength in realizing just how close He really is. Especially because what we are doing is exactly what He would be doing if He were on the earth right now. Additionally, I grow closer to Him everytime I'm struggling and talking to Heavenly Father, because I have learned to say "I would that I might not drink the bitter cup, but not my will, but Thine be done." My bitter cups on the mission pale in comparison to what His were, but I do get a taste of what He suffered for us. I just feel this incredible unexplainable love for Him when I submit my will to the Father's, like He did so perfectly.

And I finally took the plaque picture for you, Mama. Sorry <3
Irma

They have my visa!

THAT PICTURE OF JENNA JUST KILLS MEEE (Prom). I WANT TO PRINT IT OUT ON A 5 BY 8 FT BOARD AND HANG IT IN MY APARTMENT AND JUST CRY BECAUSE IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

I don't know why, but this p-day my heart has just been so full of love and emotion for my precious, beautiful family. How can you all be such beautiful people? I love being distanced so that you all write me the true and raw feelings of your hearts. I can feel love for you in a way I couldn't when I was wrapped up in my world and didn't have this distance and perspective. You are all just incredible people.

Thank you for the spiritual goodies. I have such a tender and NEW place in my heart for the word of God and for truth. My heart hasn't been good ground and fertile until now, I guess! I am just shocked how I knew the church was true --with such conviction-- if I didn't even read the Book of Mormon that much.

This week was full of personal failures, but of course Heavenly Father is still right here with me.  We are learning SO much everyday. This is my companion's first time being senior companion/trainer, so it has caused me to learn even more than I would have if she had been an "old grandma" with lots of wisdom--I have to be PROACTIVE and we find answers together! We are so good for each other.  I am learning so much about how to be a better person because of Hermana D.

We are beginning to use members, plan more effectively with the spirit, pray constantly, become unified as a companionship (and I realize it is Satan's greatest tool to get us to distance ourselves from each other), exact obedience with the schedule given to us, reporting back to Heavenly Father every night, praying for our investigators together, fasting and praying and EXPECTING miracles after we do all we can (I have learned how important that is). Whether I am here or in Brazil, the fruits of our labor will start to grow very soon.

This work is not nearly as hard as selling solar panels because all I have to do is prepare and work and He will tell us what to do. So much easier! People say the mission is the hardest 2 years of your life, but it is SO MUCH EASIER if you just let Him do the hard stuff and you just do what He says. Still, it is hard to see people reject the truth and the light of life, and it's hard because Satan is ON YOU 24/7, but its the good kind of hard. The kind of hard you almost want because it is the sweetest way to live life.

Off to Brazil on the 30th of May!

Love to all,
Hermana Ava

All these things shall give thee experience

The fastest 40 minutes ever!  We loved our short visit with Hermana Ava...

1. I GOT MY VISA!

2. I GOT TO TALK TO MY FAMBLY ON MOTHERS DAY!

3. I FOUND THE FAMILY I WAS SUPPOSED TO MEET!

Wow. This week has been full of moments where I thought "so this is what joy on the mission feels like." It's usually while I am taking out my contacts at night and reflecting, really quiet beautiful moments.

Hermana D and I fasted so that we could be physically led to the people who are ready to hear the gospel and be baptized. It has been SO COOL to just be sitting behind the wheel after praying, "Alright Heavenly Father, we are here. Tell us where to go," and He puts people and places into our minds! One of the many miracles this has brought to pass was finding "Yolanda" and her daughter "Dottie." This is that family Heavenly Father sent me here for. I walked into that house and I thought: "No...could these be the ones?" After hearing her talk about God for 30 seconds I just knew!

As I listened to her speak I really had to fight back tears because she shone and her spirit was so strong and I kept looking at Hermana DeMaio, wondering, "Are you hearing what I'm hearing?!" She explained the gospel of Jesus Christ to us with more clarity and beauty than we could have. We got out of that dark little basement and began to run and leap and squeal because WE FOUND THEM!! Oh my goodness, the LOVE I felt for her!?! 

"Frida": Satanas has been working double time on my beloved Frida. We go in and teach a beautiful lesson and I look in her eyes and I just know she knows, but OF COURSE he comes in with a baseball bat after we leave and I just want to yell, "WE JUST CLEANED THIS UP." However! There is progress. She is such a strong woman with so much hurt that she has been pushing through. I shared Doctrine & Covenants 122:7-9 with her:

• 7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.
•  8 The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?
•  9 Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.

... and that was a changing moment. Even her wild toddler became still.

I love seeing the gospel heal people. Especially people I love so much.

I loved every minute of our call, family. I love you so much.

Hermana Pidge

Miracles, I'm telling you (in 6 minutes)

Hermana DeMaio in her natural element (motorcycle)

Hola Familia!

I only have 6 minutes!!!!

Thank you for fasting for me. I gave my testimony on Sunday and I just started to speak and it began to flow, and when I sat down, Hermana DeMaio was crying and said, "That was beautiful, and your Spanish was perfect." Miracles, I'm telling you.

And having the gift of tongues in front of our ward is even more crucial than you can imagine. Missionary work in Utah can only be done through member referrals, and what we need most is open hearts now. Members need to have confidence in my ability to communicate and teach.  So thank you, it means everything to me.

P day hike to the falls

I have so many other experiences and people and miracles to tell you about, but it will have to wait until next week! :) I can't wait to talk to you on Mothers day!!! Email me when you would like to Skype!

Also, I just got my first bunch of snail mail here since it had to come from the MTC. Sorry to all the emails I can't respond to. I will make up for it next week!!

Hermana Pidge

P-day hike with Spanish Zone

Finally, the tramp picture promised last week (her 1st night)

Heavenly Father loves me so much

This week was hard for Señorita Ludlam, so I have been counting my blessings!

1. I am serving in Layton Utah, SPANISH speaking! I am going to be honest and admit that I really struggled this week, especially the first few days. Although I took Spanish until my Junior year of high school, I do not speak Spanish. The effort it takes to keep up with constant, rapid flow of Spanish and not speak Portuguese AND THEN translate into Spanish leaves me absolutley physically and mentally exhausted. HOWEVER. I am incredibly grateful to be exactly where I am because a) I am going to be trilingual after my mission, how cool is that?! b) I am not depressed, anxious, or in the least bit afraid of this work. There is no way that could possibly be unless Someone is helping me. :) And c) It has been made very clear to me that Heavenly Father sending me to Ogden was the plan all along because He has specific people He wants me to teach! I am not going anywhere until I find them, so I better get to work!

Ava's first night in Ogden with Hermana DeMaio

2. I had been praying for my companion before I got here, and when I saw her, I KNEW that Heavenly Father put us together just for me. ♡ Hermana DeMaio is absolutley incredible. She is a drop-dead gorgeous Italian from Chicago, rides a motorcycle, and is perfect match for me. She wakes up early with me so we can run and work out, eats healthy, loves to sing and laugh and goof around with me, and tells me things straight up, no sugar coating! And best of all? She loves to WORK! I could not ask for a more patient, talented, and golden-hearted trainer.

3. LAYTON CRACKS ME UP. You can just be walking down the sidewalk surrounded by these nice suburban houses, and then you will hear mooing from behind their fences. I saw someone casually ride their horse to Dunkin' Donuts. The mountains aren't quite to Provo standard (I am biased), but they are still so gorgeous. Honestly, the first thing I thought of when I got reassigned to Utah was, "Oh good, I don't have to leave my mountains." We spend most of our time in trailer parks because that's where the Spanish-speaking people live. They call them the "trailas" (try-lahs).

4. OH MY GOODNESS. CAN WE TALK ABOUT PORTUGUESE FOR A SECOND. I loved the language and I already loved the people when I was in the MTC, but that love just EXPLODED when I got here! Heavenly Father keeps placing Brazilians in my path because He knows that nothing could make me happier than to speak this language to these people. It makes very little sense that I took Spanish for 5 years and struggle to keep up, but I can effortlessly understand and speak Portuguese after only 6 weeks of training...could it be Irmao Read's promise coming to pass? If you are a non-member Brazilian, you better watch out because Hermana Ludlam is on the hunt and she will sniff you out.

5. We have a car. With the Prince of Egypt soundtrack. Heavenly Father loves me so much.
This is my first night in Ogden with the other new sisters. The Jaggis (mission president) had a trampoline ;)  (Ava must have forgotten to attach this picture.  Maybe next week.)


Love you all!

Sister Ludlam

4380 S Orchard Ave
South Ogden UT 84403
United States

FIRST TRANSFER: Done.

Solo Sister

FIRST TRANSFER: Done.

1. Sister Peck left this morning to BRAZIL, so now I am the lone, lost little Brazilian, following the Elders around. I secretly love it, though.

2. My visa never came, so off to Ogden for 6 weeks! If I had told myself a few months ago that I would be reassigned to Ogden, I probably would've been a bit disappointed...but when I read Ogden Utah Mission, I got SO EXCITED. I am SO pumped to meet my new companion! I am going to love that sister into the ground.

3. OKAY ILENE AND TODD GARNER: Each week I have gotten a package (or two) from you, each one bigger than the last...but this week has gone TOO FAR. THAT WAS THE BIGGEST BOX I HAVE EVER SEEN, I didn't know Dear Elder used industrial packing boxes!? Thank you for taking care of me, you have truly blessed many souls with your gifts of love. <3 Oh, you know what I just realized? By the time Todd reads this today, he will be a Boston marathoner. My hero! *insert picture of Sister Peck next to box so you can see how big it is*

The "Que (kuh) Face"

ALSO Danny boy! Thank you for the package, I thought my wee bitty heart was going to explode! The green beans made me laugh so hard!

4. Sister Ludlam's Journey to Know Christ Update: I have a question I have been trying to answer all week. There is this quote Irmao Read showed me a while ago: "We can change our behavior. Our very desires can change. How? There is only one way. True change -permanent change- can only come through the healing, cleansing, and enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. He allows you to access His power as you keep his commandments, earnestly, eagerly, and exactly. It is that simple and certain. The gospel of Jesus Christ, is a gospel of CHANGE." -President James E. Faust.

That has got to be the most chalk full of goodness quote I have ever read! I have also been seeing "you can do THIS through the atonement of Jesus Christ" everywhere, such as Mosiah 3:19:

For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be,
forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit , 

and putteth off the natural man and 

becometh a saint THROUGH THE ATONEMENT OF CHRIST THE LORD, 

and becometh as a child.

It seems like every good thing comes "through the atonement of Jesus Christ," not just the ability to change. But how do I apply that in my life? I have so many things I want to change because the more I learn about Jesus Christ, the more I want to be like Him. But every time I try to change (or as the quote says to "follow the commandments earnestly, eagerly, and exactly") I always fall back into my old ways. So of course, I ask Irmao Read "Well how do I do that? How do I use the atonement to change?" and of course he says I have to go find the answer myself! I have been searching, but I am cheating and asking you all for help as well. Thanks <3

I love you all!!  Irma Pidge

Me, Sister Peck, Irmao Regehr, E. Rasmussen, E. Hernandez

The District and Elder Read

Sora Vann

What a Glorious Week

Hello!   What a glorious week.

Four things.
1. Irma Peck and I auditioned with "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go" for any event, and we were selected to sing AT THE SUNDAY NIGHT DEVOTIONAL. What an incredible honor. I still can't believe it happened. It was the largest audience I have ever performed for so I was feeling a little sick beforehand, so I prayed "Heavenly Father, I just want to invite the Spirit and touch people. I don't care if we don't sound good as long as we can do that. Please help me feel peace!" And WHOOSH! my whole body relaxed and I couldn't stop smiling. Of course it wasn't the best performance, but I have had so many people come up to me and tell them that it touched their hearts, or it made them cry, or it was exactly what they needed to hear. Mission accomplished. :) (Hopefully, we will have a recording of this performance posted here soon.)

The District -- Last Days Together

2. The visa ordeal has been such an emotional roller coaster for poor Sister Ludlam. First, my mission portal changed, saying I was reassigned to Ogden, Utah. Second, I received a travel itinerary, which said I was laying over in Atlanta, and then going to Sao Paulo on April 20th. Third, the portal changed back to Ogden, and I check the Brazilian Consulate website which said my Visa is still in the process. Fourth, I went to the Travel Office and they said I won't know until this Thursday. SO! I'll let you all know next week where I am going! Sister Peck has her visa and is leaving the 18th! Elder Rasmussen and Elder Hernandez are copying me and going to Ogden! I'll be pumped regardless because "I'll Go Where [He] Wants Me to Go!!" I'm guessing they're sending us all to Ogden because our visas are so close and they don't want to fly us out and then right back when we get our visas a few weeks later.

3. Each day, Irmao Read changes my life. Sister Peck and I always joke that we want him to adopt us when we get back so we can stay with him forever. There are so many amazing things he did this week to share, but I will just share two.
     a. Part way through a lesson, he stopped. He did that thing where he gets silent for a few seconds. And then completely dropped the lesson and pulled up the story of when Peter walks to Jesus on the water. "And Peter answered Him and said Lord, if it be Thou, bid me to come unto Thee on the water. And He said Come. And when Peter had come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus." And then Irmao Read said something like "Can you imagine being Peter? Standing on the edge of the boat, looking down at the huge waves, and what must have been going through his mind as he took that first step? And you can't just step off a boat, you have to leap. And that is when miracles happen." I knew what was coming. "What can you do to take that first step off the boat to show your faith in the Savior?" He then challenged us to only speak Portuguese for our remaining two weeks, and promised us the miracle that we would be fluent by the time we left the MTC if we were diligent. The Spirit was so strong, I knew that wasn't a promise from Irmao Read, it was a promise from God.
     b. Teachers don't have to do this, but Irmao Read does personal check-ups on us. He began asking questions, but the love I had for him just boiled over, I couldn't contain it all. I began to cry (which I have never done here, can you believe it?? Only with Sister Peck!) and pour out the love our district has for our beloved Irmao Read. Then the questions began to come, and to each he listened lovingly, pondered silently for a moment, and then would open a scripture. The answer to one specific question I feel impressed to share: When I finished asking my question, he said "I had a feeling this scripture was your answer before you asked it." He read in the first book of the prophet Nephi. Nephi's brothers were asking him all these questions, to which he responded by asking a simple question: "Have ye inquired of the Lord?" 1 Nephi 15:8. Irmao Read then said "Your situation is so unique, and I only have the limited experience and knowledge to give your guidance. The Lord has literally felt, in every sense of the word, what you are going through, and He is all knowing. Why not ask Him?" And that was that. So I inquired of the Lord, having faith that He would respond. And I received an answer. Just that simple. As someone once said, "You have the Savior of the world on your side. If you seek His guidance, how can you fail?" I love this gospel.

4. I have felt a peace throughout this week unlike anything I have ever felt before. I have been studying and pondering Elder Holland’s talk, "Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Wonders Among You." Yes, I know this talk touched millions of lives, but boy, I think God had him say those words just for me. The MTC has been the most incredible experience I've ever had, but I would be lying if I said I have been pleased with myself during my time here. Over and over, I fail at commitments, and I feel as if I am wasting the Lord’s time. But that talk gave me so much HOPE! I WANT to be the best missionary I can be for my Savior, and that means something. Ever since hearing and studying that talk, I have felt that He is proud of me. I have always KNOWN He is proud and loves me even though I am a stink, but I felt it this week. What I would not do to always feel that love! And I can! It is not that He suddenly started loving me after I read that talk, He always has and now I am letting it in. Just let Him love you!! And read/listen to the talk here! ;)

I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!
Love your favorite missionary,

Irma Pidge